Bully, the Bullied, and the Not-So Innocent Bystander: From Pre-School to High School and Beyond: Breaking the Cycle of Violence and Creating More Deeply Caring Communities

The groundbreaking #1 national bestseller from Barbara Coloroso, one of the world's most trusted parenting educators.

First published over a decade ago, The Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander quickly became the definitive guide to bullying prevention and intervention, providing real solutions for a problem that affects young people all over the world. Now, in this thoroughly updated and expanded book, Coloroso helps you recognize the characteristic triad of bullying: the bully who perpetrates the harm; the bullied, who is the target (and who may become a bully); and the not-so-innocent bystanders—peers or siblings who either watch, participate in the bullying or look away, and adults who see bullying as “teasing,” not tormenting, and as “boys will be boys” or as “ girl drama,” not the predatory aggression that it is. In this book you will learn:

• What bullying is and what it isn’t
• The four ways and three means of bullying
• Technology resources and solutions to deal effectively with both online and offline bullying
• Differences and similarities between boys and girls who bully
• Differences between telling and tattling, reporting and ratting; teasing and taunting; flirting and sexual bullying
• How to read the subtle cues and clues that a young person is being bullied
• What not to do and what you can do to help the one who is bullied
• Seven steps to hold accountable and reform someone who bullies
• Four abilities that protect young people from succumbing to a bully
• Why zero-tolerance policies can equal zero thinking
• Why contempt, not anger, drives bullying, and how to confront this in bullies—and in our culture
• How young people can become a potent force as active witnesses—standing up for their peers, speaking out against cruelty and taking responsibility for what happens among themselves

Drawing on her decades of work with troubled youth and her wide experience with conflict resolution and restorative justice, Barbara Coloroso offers practical and compassionate solutions and gives parents, caregivers, educators and—most of all—young people the tools to break this cycle of violence.